i've got to admit, i have had more fake conversations in my head with those people than i can count. and none of them have ended well. even though they were completely fictional conversations, they left me feeling incredibly bitter and angry. and of course, all of this is unbeknownst to them. they're in their little tra-la-la land all happy and thinking they are perfect and such.
the voice of a super wise man named pastor tom rings in my ears every time this happens. "bitterness only hurts you." he would say.
how true is that?!?
this is a lesson that Jesus has to teach and re-teach me almost every day.
and He does. He is always trying to get me, a supreme lover of justice, to understand that i am not right and i need to love people, no matter how crappy those people are.
the interesting thing is that Jesus is so inventive with His teaching methods! seriously, He's not shocked that i still haven't learned this, and He's ready with a bunch of lesson plans and examples and slaps in the face.
so guess how He's teaching me to love (and not be bitter at) crappy people this time around?
you'll never guess, i'll just tell you.
He's showing me tons of other people who actually do want and respect my opinion. weird, isn't it? i've been realizing that while i'm so caught up in focusing on what i can do to get people to listen to me, that i've been missing out on people who actually seek me out for wisdom.
it's really weird actually. i've been convinced that nobody likes me and everyone thinks i have nothing to offer. i've been just itching to shout to all of them, "i've got something to offer, just read my blog you idiots!" (i just made myself laugh out loud with that one) but hopefully you know what i mean.
meanwhile, people are actually asking me for advice and seeking my counsel on stuff. where did these people come from?!
it's really left me confused. should i try to get these idiots* to listen to me? or should i stop trying so hard with those people and hang out with people who actually think i'm cool? hmmm, such a tough decision. *slapintheface*
did i mention Jesus not only has lesson plans written up entitled "lisagrace on bitterness" but also huge slaps in the face for me?
so, here i am, humbled that God has enough grace even for people like me. and even more humbled that people actually do take my advice seriously. may God get all the glory for being able to use me to help others because you know it's definitely not my doing.
*hopefully you caught the heavy sarcasm there, they're not really idiots, i just make them out to be idiots in my head and i realize i'm being totally insane.