whoa there heart, stop attacking me.

sorry for the blogging hiatus!

i've just been so spectacular at blogging lately, that my brain decided to shut off and i couldn't even muster up the creativity to blog this past week.

i'm sorry for saying sorry about not blogging, i hate it when i read blogs that haven't been updated in months and then the writers are just all casually like, "sorry, my bad. i'll do better next time." actually, i don't really care that much about it, i'm only refreshing my google reader every 15 minutes to read what you have written.

who am i talking to?

anyway, reader, let's have a little heart to heart. because i need to vent. not vent in a mean, scary, judgmental way. i don't like it when bloggers do that either. but i need to vent because i know that at least a couple of you actually read this things because you care about me and my well-being. and while i love to be all whit and charm on here, i don't want you thinking i've got it all pulled-together and such. 

i'll make it quick:

i'm stretched a leeeeettle too thin right now. i need to be better at saying no to things. i say yes to everything.

just so you know, moving to iowa city has been the most incredible thing i've ever done, but this has been the hardest year of my life, and i'm just now admitting it. the hardship, the tears, the lonliness, the heartache has all been worth it though, because i really feel like i need God. not that i haven't needed Him my whole life, but my amazing churches have made it really easy to walk with Him. and right now it's not easy to walk with Him because i'm literally clinging to Him as if He's all i have.

my heart has been absolutely ripped apart by stories of infertility and coincidentally, adoption. i literally burst into tears just thinking about it. i don't even know what else to say, except that i believe this is something that God has laid on my heart for a reason.

bryan and i have some important decisions coming up in our future about where we're going to serve and have fellowship in our church. there are issues that we have trouble getting on the same page about, please pray for us, that we would be unified and honor God with our decisions.

all of the above is making my heart ache with anxiety and longing and discontentment. i'm getting more and more dependent on God as this goes on, which is good. but i'm praying for God's peace as well.

thanks for caring, thanks for reading. the cutesy, charming, funny blogging will be back in no time.